I’m a Mother

More honesty, I’m a Step-Mother.

When I was younger, I wanted children. More importantly, I wanted a son. I imagined him with messy brown hair, and deep sea blue eyes. I never wanted a daughter, I grew up in a home full of men- and though I did enjoy my dolls and dress up, I couldn’t see myself buying all pink accessories for a daughter I don’t think I could love.

I don’t have children of my own. I would have if I had stayed with my ex, he wanted children so badly. I recall him saying once, “I hope our daughter will grow to be as beautiful as you are.”

Shortly after, I took a long look at myself, and realized I would not be a fulfilled person with children. I would more than likely hate myself for making such an unnecessary decision.

I was still a child then, I had huge dreams and hopes for myself and my future and I knew then that a child would take that away from me. I do not despise children- I stand up for them daily. Wishing I could protect them form the true horrors in our world- but I know I would not be happy if I brought one to life.

I was twenty when I met Savitar’s son. I was twenty-one when I took on his role of step-mother, as I tiptoed around Savitar and his ex-wife, not knowing what I could or could not do in regards of rearing the child.

Now, four years later, this child is MY son. I did not birth him, I chose him. I chose to take him to and from school, I chose to feed and clothe him, to love and cherish him. His mother and I get along, she is always grateful when I make the hour long drive on weekends to drop him off or pick up. When Savitar and I give her gas money if she drove our way, or aiding in birthday celebrations.

The child will be sixteen soon, and he is already showing the qualities of a man. He is much like his father, but I am grateful that he does not wish to go down his father’s path. He is a wonderful boy and he will be a wonderful man one day. I am grateful to have been part of his like thus far, and hope that no matter what happens, if he could stay in my life.







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